I hate stereotypes. Who doesn’t? Only there’s some truth in each stereotype, isn’t there? A tiny little bit, true, but there is always truth, hiding out somewhere, waiting to pounce when you least expect it to.
Not embarking on a long-winded rant about stereotypes in tango, though God knows there’s a post waiting to happen. No. What I want to write about is the stereotype of a tango instructor.
What do you think about when you think of tango? Passion, something dark and illicit, nocturnal, dangerous men in fedoras, even more dangerous women in fishnets (one mustn’t forget the ubiquitous fishnets) and high heels. The music, the seduction, and more often than not – that rawness. Oh yes, you know exactly what I am talking about.
Now let’s talk about tango instructors…
With all of this mystique surrounding us, mere mortals don’t have a chance. It helps enormously if you’re pleasant to look at. But even if you’re not that much to write home about, if you have this confidence, a certain je ne sais quoi, and a decent dancer… Oh la la, all bets are off.
Do not misunderstand me. I am absolutely not suggesting that we’re all going after our students. In fact, nothing could be more annoying for an instructor. Only… what does one do when these students are coming after you?
The classes that I am teaching now are a sociological experiment in and of themselves. Longing gazes, complete oblivion (from certain individuals), evil eyes cast upon certain dance partners of certain individuals, and this all in just the first 15 minutes of the class. All in all, fun and games, fun and games.
Only a flirtation is a flirtation, but when feelings begin to get involved… Damnation!
We are painting ourselves into a corner, dancing with illusions, creating an illusion for you, really, and thinking that it’s all going to turn out for the best.
But if it doesn’t?
5 comments
Comments feed for this article
May 28, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Arlene
Sorry, but I never had any attraction for my teachers. They are just better at something that I want to learn how to do. Frankly, you need to draw a line. People pay you to learn something. It doesn’t matter what you do. Don’t cross the line, poo on your own doorstep. You are trying to make money. That stops when you start something with your client/student.
Is this really an issue? You are in control. Who cares about the longing glances?
And mystique? Are you serious? Do people really buy into that? Just curious. I’m skeptical. Maybe it’s because I’m from New Jersey.
June 6, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Henry Finkelstein
Hey Mademoiselle,
Interesting post, and something I’ve wondered about a lot myself … how can a teacher and/or student manage a situation where there is clear attraction between the two? Or, almost more importantly, how can a teacher manage a friendship without necessarily feeling like they are always “on the job” at practicas and milongas that they attend as dancers and not as a teacher?
Great to bring this up. Keep up the good work and great posts ;)
-h
June 25, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Mademoiselle Non
Hah! Where “mystique” is concerned, when I was writing this, it was a bit tongue-in-cheek.
As for your other statement, I know what my “bread and butter” is, as it were, and would never risk that (not to mention be unprofessional as all hell) by getting involved as a student. Nevertheless, there are certain students, who want to push that boundary further and further and it makes me truly uncomfortable. I guess that did not come across very clearly.
June 25, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Mademoiselle Non
Thank you.
Again allow me to reiterate as I told to a previous commenter – I do *not* believe there should be any involvement between a teacher and a student. That is unprofessional, ridiculously complicated, not to mention, a source of drama one does not need. Ever. Should that attraction transcend all bounds, the student needs to find another instructor and maybe then their relationship (if it’s that) can become something else entirely. But to have something WHILE that person is your student would be asking for trouble in more ways than one.
But when students start to literally throw themselves at you, and unfortunately, I’ve seen it happen and have had to deal with that as well, that’s when things become really unpleasant, at least where I am concerned.
June 26, 2009 at 1:28 am
Arlene
Hi Mademoiselle,
There are many teachers that do get involved with their students and it is good to hear that you are not one of them.
It is unfortunate that there are men that feel it is ok to make unwanted advances towards attractive women, whatever the situation. In your particular case, if you feel uncomfortable, you really need to address these issues to nip them in the bud. If that doesn’t work, then you may have to lose a student. There are more important things than money. A lot of the women teachers, although friendly, tend to have a little wall around themselves to stop this from happening.
It just shows the immaturity of the men in a professional situation. Good luck to you. If I came off a bit rude before, sorry. I had a similar post on my blog from a student. People really need to get a grip and grow up. I’m sorry you have to deal with these things.